


Childhood

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Fraxus [5]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Abandonment, Childhood, Childhood Trauma, Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Love, M/M, Memories, Photographs, Secrets
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-08
Updated: 2018-09-08
Packaged: 2019-08-20 19:16:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,711
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16561697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: Freed has always kept his past...his childhood secret even from Laxus, but when a question shatters the wall he had built around his memories he is faced with dragging up a past that he longed to forget.





	Childhood

   Freed hummed under his breath as he shifted through the pile of photos he had spread out across the coffee table. He was supposed to be looking for ones to go into the frames he had bought to put up on the large empty wall in the living room, but he kept finding himself getting distracted by the images themselves. There were plenty of the Raijinshuu. Apparently, Reedus and the rest of the guild had made it their mission to make up for the time the trio had spent distancing themselves from Fairy Tail as it seemed that nearly every moment they had spent in the guild since their reconciliation had been documented. Not that he was going to complain, he thought as he lifted one of the three of them passed out in their usual booth after one of the guild’s party, a small smile tugging at his lips as he reached for a frame.

   There were also plenty of him and Laxus. The Dragon-slayer was still not a huge fan of being caught in photos, but he still hadn’t quite mastered the art of saying no too Freed and so the Rune mage had been able to collect quite a few, with the help of Ever, Bickslow and Makarov. Although he’d had to swear that he wouldn’t let Laxus know that his Grandfather was helping. The rest of the photos in his pile were also courtesy of the Guild Master, a random assortment of pictures from Laxus’s childhood, including some rare ones of him with his mother - all images with Ivan in had been removed. It was these photos that Freed was finding the most distracting because they were either from a time before he had known Laxus or from the early, tentative days of their friendship. And he was treasuring the opportunity to see that his mate’s childhood, relieved to see that Laxus had been happy despite everything, even if that happiness had been forgotten for a time. His expression darkened for a moment, a spike of envy breaking through. _He was lucky…_

   He was dragged out of his darkening thoughts by the sound of the front door opening, and he paused, fingers tightening around a picture of little Laxus sat on Makarov’s shoulders as he tried to school his expression back to one of calmness as his mate’s voice rang out.

“Freed?!”

“I’m in the living room,” Freed replied, relieved to hear that his voice came out as fairly even. Taking a deep breath before hastily erecting a rune barrier around the table because he knew what Laxus was like. He would try to hide if not destroy the photos, and Freed had no time to hide them himself because he could already hear his mate heading down the hallway towards him.

“What are you…?” Laxus trailed off abruptly as he stepped into the room, and Freed turned to look at him, a warm smile creeping across his face at the sight of the other man, although he had to smother a chuckle at the horrified look the blond was sending at the photos. “Where did you get those?” The blond demanded as he took a step forward, blue eyes flickering to the photo that Freed was still clinging to, and then to the assortment that was already framed and ready to go onto the wall. Horrified to realise just how many of them featured him. He certainly didn’t mind the ones of him and Freed together, or the ones of the Raijinshuu. No, it was the ones of him as a child that he was objecting to, fairly sure he had destroyed all the ones he had been able to get his hands on when he lived with his Grandfather, so where the hell had Freed got them?

“The Master gave them to me,” Freed replied with a smirk, his earlier dark thoughts wholly forgotten as Laxus groaned and cursed all in one breath before staggering forward and settling on the couch beside the Rune Mage.

“Of course it was him….” _Meddling old man_ , he thought, growling under his breath as he reached out with the intention of snatching up the pictures, hoping that he could destroy them before Freed got any more of them in those blasted frames. He found himself jerking back in surprise when his fingers hit an invisible wall for a split second before Freed’s runes flashed in the air in front of him, and his eyes widened. Clearly Freed had anticipated his response and prepared for it, and for once he wished that his mate didn’t know him this well. “Freed…” There was a note of pleading in his voice, even though he had a feeling that it wasn’t going to do him any good. It was one of the few things that Freed would fight him about, and that was preserving memories like this. He had never been able to work out why, and he had never been able to bring himself to ask.

“What?” Freed demanded, narrowing his eyes at him, and Laxus gulped as he caught the glint in the turquoise eyes now boring into his. He knew from painful experience that he couldn’t win against that particular look and that he wasn’t going to win this battle, not that he was particularly surprised by that fact. He scowled, refusing to admit that it was closer to a pout as he glanced back at the photos, shoulders hunching as he conceded defeat.

“Fine…” He couldn’t quite keep the disappointment out of his voice, trying to glower at his mate as he caught the triumphant expression that flickered across Freed’s face. It didn’t work and instead turned his attention back to the photos that had already made their way into frames, and he tilted his head to the side as he noticed something that he had missed before. “Where are your childhood pictures?” He knew at once that had been the wrong thing to ask. He had just burst into the very topic they generally avoided, and he felt Freed tensing beside him, and he was unsurprised to find that his partner’s expression had become shuttered by the time he looked back at him. Freed met his gaze for a fleeting second before glancing away, but not quickly enough to stop Laxus from being able to spot the pain in his eyes that he hadn’t quite managed to mask. “Freed…?”

“Forget it,” Freed whispered, abruptly rising to his feet, still avoiding looking at him and Laxus reached out in the hopes of stopping him, only to find his fingers closing on empty air as the Rune mage disappeared from the room without a word. Slowly he closed his hand, his fingers curling into a fist as he stared at the doorway for a moment.

 _Freed…_.

**

   Freed felt as though there suddenly wasn’t enough air in the room, Laxus’ innocent question playing on a loop in his mind as he stumbled up to their bedroom to hide. He knew that his mate was curious, he had never hidden that fact whenever talk had drifted to the past or family, but he had never pushed the issue. Deep down Freed knew that if he really didn’t want to talk about it, then Laxus would back away this time as well, he just wasn’t sure that was what he wanted anymore, and he had no idea how to even broach the subject. He had buried his past as best as he could, locked it away behind a barrier that was even stronger than he could conjure with his runes and he knew that he couldn’t just tear it down on his own. There was a rising pressure in his chest, and he nearly fell into their room, the usual feeling of safety that he felt in this space that belonged solely to him and Laxus nowhere to be seen today, and his breath hitched as he made it the last few steps before collapsing onto the bed.

 _I don’t know what to do_ , he thought desperately as he curled into a ball, hating the fact that such a simple question had managed to shatter him like this. Wishing that he could just forget about everything, but now all he could see was all those happy photos of Laxus. Oh, he knew that Laxus had suffered more than his fair share of bad experiences during his childhood, that there were darker photos that he hadn’t seen, but right then all he could see was a little Laxus smiling and laughing, surrounded by his own family and the guild and it hurt. His eyes were stinging now, the pressure in his chest intensifying and he curled himself even tighter, wanting to hide from everything.

Wanting to be alone.

Wanting Laxus…

  It was all too much, and he couldn’t hold back a choked sob when the last little bit of control he’d had over his emotions snapped.

_Laxus…_

**

    Laxus had waited a few minutes, hoping against hope that Freed would calm down and come back down to him. Hoping that maybe they would finally be able to talk about this because there was no way he was going to be able to forget the raw pain he had glimpsed in his mate’s eyes. However, as the minutes continued to stretch on without any sign of Freed returning, he began to grow uneasy, and it was barely a moment later that his heightened hearing caught the sound of muffled sobs coming from their bedroom and for a moment he just froze. He couldn’t remember the last time he had heard Freed cry. The Rune Mage had perfected the art of maintaining his mask when he was around them, always preferring to deal with darker emotions on his own, and there was a dull ache in his chest as he realised that he had caused his. That his thoughtless question had finally shattered that mask and his hands curled into fists in his lap.

_What happened to you Freed? What hurt you this badly…?_

    He had been prepared to drop the subject before, but now as he rose to his feet, he knew that there was no way they could just push this to the side and pretend it happened. Freed might fight him on it. He probably would, but as he made his way to the stairs, Laxus swore to them both that he wasn’t going to back down this time.

    The sight of Freed curled into a tight ball on their bed, and the sound of his muffled sobs and hitching breath tested his resolve as he stepped into their room a moment later and he found himself faltering. He knew how to comfort his mate when he was physically hurt, he had held him during the aftermath of nightmares and dragged him out of his thoughts when he had become caught up in too many unnecessary thoughts. But this was new, and Laxus was the one that had pushed him into this state, and for a moment the Dragon-slayer panicked, feeling completely overwhelmed and ready to bolt, but then Freed whispered his name.

“Laxus…” He had never heard Freed sound that broken, that timid before, and he sucked in a sharp breath. It hurt to hear the Rune mage sound like that, and that was enough to get him moving. Freed tensed as he heard him approaching but he made no effort to escape, and Laxus chose to take that as an encouraging sign as he settled cautiously on the edge of the bed. Still, he hesitated for a brief moment before reaching out to gently rest his hand on Freed’s shoulder, leaving him the option of pulling free if it was necessary.

“Freed?” Laxus asked, the ache in his chest intensifying as he felt the flinch that met his question, and he swallowed thickly before gently shaking the younger man. “Can you look at me?” Freed shook his head, just the tiniest hint of motion but that was nearly enough to break the Dragon-slayer. He was fairly sure his mate had never refused him before, and his voice cracked painfully as he pleaded with Freed. “Please?”

“Not…yet.”

“Freed?”

“I…” Freed curled further in on himself, even though he made no effort to pull away from Laxus’s touch, his sobs fading slightly as he fought to compose himself enough for what needed to be done. He still hadn’t been able to work out what he wanted, but he was focusing on the warm hand on his shoulder, and the feel of his mate on his back, and while he couldn’t bring himself to look at the Dragon-slayer just yet, it was enough to give him the strength to ask. “You want to know….?”

“Yes,” Laxus didn’t need to ask what he meant, and he couldn’t see any point in hiding the fact that he wanted to know, even if he was even more reluctant to push the issue now that he had seen how broken the Rune mage looked. “But….” _It could wait_ …

“There’s a book on the bookcase/” At any other time, Laxus would have snorted at that statement, there were tonnes of books on the bookcase to the point where the shelves were threatening to buckle, and he made a mental note to try and get hold of another one when things settled down. For now, though it seemed as though his silence had spoken for him because Freed took a shuddering breath before adding softly. “The blue one on the bottom shelf, with nothing on the spine.” The Dragon-slayer twisted awkwardly, reluctant to let go of his mate just yet as he turned to scan the shelf, quickly spotting the book in question.

“I can see it.”

“T-there's a picture inside.” Apparently, that was all that Freed was ready to say at the moment, gently pulling himself out Laxus’s grip and burying his face against the pillow, and the Dragon-slayer hesitated for a moment before reluctantly rising to his feet and moving across to pick up the book.

   It was old and worn, but that was nothing unusual with the strange books Freed loved to collect and he frowned at it, glancing between the tatty blue cover and the huddled form on the bed before taking a deep breath. Freed had finally decided to open up to him, he couldn’t afford to ruin this chance by hesitating, and he cautiously opened it, blinking in surprise when he found that it was hollow inside, the pages glued together so that they were solid. However, his attention was focused on the single photo that it contained, and he pulled it out with gentle fingers, letting the book fall to the floor.

“This is your family?” It was an unnecessary question. Freed was the only one with the strange cowlicks that Laxus loved so much, but he had his father’s hair and his mother’s eyes. However, what caught Laxus’s attention the most was the two boys standing in front of their parents, easily identifying Freed even though he hadn’t known him back then and guessing that the other boy was a couple of years older. “You have a brother…?” They were too similar to be anything else, and his fingers tightened around the picture as he glanced between it and Freed. The family in the photo looked so happy, and yet…

  Aas he watched Freed drew in a shuddering breath before slowly pushing himself into an upright position and slowly turning towards the Dragon-slayer, and Laxus almost wished that he hadn’t because the sight of Freed’s broken, tear-stained expression hurt. Although not as much as the pained whisper that followed.

“I did…once upon a time…”

“Freed?” Laxus hurried back to his side, the photo still clutched in his fingers as he dropped down on the bed beside his mate, not hesitating to draw Freed into a hug. Freed welcomed him this time, leaning into him and burying his face against him for a moment before pulling back just enough to let him peer across at the photo, reaching out with trembling fingers and Laxus let him take it. “What do you mean once upon a time?” He had always assumed that something must have happened to Freed’s family, probably something terrible considering the way he shied away from the topic, but there had been something darker…something deeper behind those four words that worried him.

   Freed took a deep breath as he stared at the photo. It had been nearly three years since he had let himself look at it, and more than once he had contemplated just destroying it, but something had stopped him every time. Even now, his heart aching as he looked at an image of the life that he had lost years before, he couldn’t bring himself to destroy despite the pain it evoked. He had never told anyone about what had happened, not even Makarov when he had first joined the guild, the older man sensing the darkness he harboured and pressing him for answers. Instead, he had bottled it up, but he didn’t think that was a choice anymore. The barriers that had held it at bay cracking and shattering faster than he could sure it up and the fact that Laxus was watching him with such concern and hope meant that he no longer had the willpower to try and lock it away.

“Please, don’t interrupt me…I’m not sure I would be able to continue,” he explained brokenly, waiting until he got a tiny nod of agreement from the blond, feeling the arm around his shoulder pulling him in closer and he closed his eyes as he tried to work out the best place to begin. “I-I grew up on the border of Fiore and Seven…”

_The Justines’ had held land that lay on the border between both countries for nearly a century. Land that spanned for miles into each country, earned through decades of service to the crown and the expansion of the family’s trading empire. Freed had grown up in the centre of all that, yet sheltered from the worst of it, both because he was the second son, but also because his parents were determined to make sure that their childhood was as normal as possible. So both he and his brother Fredric, the elder by two years had spent their days bouncing between their lessons and running wild through the estate. It had been a happy, simple existence, away from the stress of the merchant business, or the pressure of nobility and wholly removed from magic. Magic was rare in the Justine line, and that was considered a blessing, their family had risen to power through hard work and magic had come to be viewed as a shortcut of sorts._

_Despite this Freed had found himself fascinated by magic, eagerly scouring their library for the few texts that mentioned magic and when his brother wasn’t there he would entertain himself by pretending that he had magic…one day he would be a Make mage, able to craft amazing things out of the elements… other days he would be able to write a word and see it brought to life…he honestly didn’t care what type of magic it was, all he wanted was the chance to at least see magic. Although he had learned early on not to express that wish around anyone else, having once mentioned it to their nanny, only to be pulled in for a very stern talk from his parents. He didn’t see what the problem was, after all, he was never going to be a mage so what did it matter if he pretended to be one? As long as it was just a game, it couldn’t hurt anyone._

_He had believed that right up until a couple of weeks after his seventh birthday. It had started as a typical day, he and Fredric had their morning lessons, learning about the history of their family, maths and writing and they had been released to play with the order to be quiet as their parents were hosting another merchant family for an alliance meeting. Freed had no trouble obeying that, unable to think of anything more tedious, but Fredric had taken to tailing after their father wherever he went, and he wanted to see the meeting. He wanted to learn how to be more like his father and so Freed had found himself trailing after his brother as they snuck into the large meeting room and hid at the back behind one of the sofas._

_For the first hour, it was just as dull as Freed had feared but there was no way for him to sneak away and so he found himself dozing against his brother, the low rumble of the adults’ discussion lulling him closer and closer to sleep. At least until he noticed there was a shift in the tone of the discussion, and it was when he heard the sound of metal being drawn that he sat up, suddenly fully awake as he felt Fredric flinch against him. Ignoring his brother’s hissed warning, he shot to his feet, eyes widening in horror as he realised that his parents were now being held at sword point, terror flooding him as he realised that the other merchants had no intention of stopping there as they moved forward with the intention of harming their parents._

_“NO!” He had no idea what he was doing, only that he had to stop them. That he had to protect his family, because there were no servants in the room who could help, and his brother was still cowering behind the sofa. There was a strange pressure in his head as he ran forward, ignoring his mother crying out for him to get away to run, unable to focus on the fear that had appeared on his father’s usually stoic face. Instead, all he could focus on was the strange buzzing in his ears, the heat spreading through his skin and he found his hands moving of their own violation, fingers tracing symbols that he didn’t recognise. However, some part of him knew their purpose all the same although he didn’t understand why, and it was only when purple light flared out from him that it dawned on him that this was no longer play pretend. It was no longer a game, and that he had magic._

_There had been no holding it back at that point, the magic flaring out from him and tearing through the merchants who had been prepared for physical fighting but not magic. He could feel it, see it as it flung them backwards, his eyes wide with horror as they slammed into the wall before falling to the floor like puppets that had just lost their strings. Someone was screaming and sobbing, and it took him a long moment to realise that it was his mother, turning towards her and watching, not quite comprehending as she refused to look at him as she turned into his father’s embrace. And his father - he had never seen that expression on the man’s face, not even during the time he had been told off for using magic and he felt a flicker of fear._

“That photo was taken four days before that happened. It was the last one that I was allowed to be in...the last one I was able to be in,” Freed whispered. Shuddering as he came back to the present and burying himself against Laxus once more, needing his mate to remind himself that he was no longer that terrified seven-year-old who had no idea what he had just done. What his magic had just cost him. Still, he could practically hear the questions building up in the silence, and he let the photo fall into his lap before transferring his grip to Laxus, clinging to the Dragon-slayer as he forced himself to continue. “I was the first mage in the Justine family in nearly half a century, and I was dangerous…they couldn’t forgive me for that.”

_It had been a week since that incident, and Freed hadn’t seen his family once, not since his father had dragged him up to his room and shoved him inside with a harsh order not to leave under any circumstances. Servants came and went to give him food, but none of them would acknowledge him, getting in and out as soon as they could. Not that he could blame them, because there was magic dancing in the air around him, whipped into a frenzy by his fear and confusion and he had no idea how to control it. No idea how to make it disappear so that things could go back too normal, and already the room had taken the brunt of the damage, with nothing left untouched, and he was scared._

_It was another two days before it became too much. He couldn’t handle this alone, he was scared, and he wanted his parents. He wanted someone to tell him it would be okay, that there was a way to get rid of this cursed magic, but the servants still wouldn’t look at him or acknowledge him in any way. Which was why he found himself sneaking out of his room later in the evening when there would be few people in the corridors, his hands clutched together in the hope of holding back his magic long enough for him to get to his parents. To beg them to help him, to plead for their forgiveness. He would never play pretend again, he would be the perfect son, just as long as everything went back too normal._

_However, when he reached the sitting room that his parents used in the evening he found himself frozen in the doorway as he saw them in the middle of a furious discussion. Or rather his father was angry, while his mother - she just looked broken, just as she had the other day when she had been unable to look at him._

_“He can’t stay here, he’s cursed…”_

_“But…”_

_“You saw what he did! What if he does that to us? To Fredric?” His father’s words made him grasp, and he hastily lifted his hands to stifle the sound. Did they really think he would hurt them? That he would hurt his brother? The purple around his hands flared for a moment, and he couldn’t stop the sob that welled up in his chest as he realised that he could well hurt them. That he might even be able to kill them…_

_The noise had alerted them to his presence, and he flinched as they whirled to look at him. The sudden fear in their eyes as they caught sight of his swirling magic cutting deep, and he backed away even before his father started to shout at him._

_“I told you to stay in your room! You’re endangering us all by being here…”_

_“Freed…”_

_These weren’t his parents. These weren’t the people who had laughed and played with him less than two weeks ago, the parents who had always made sure that he and Fredric knew that they were loved. They were strangers, distant from him in a way he didn’t understand and fear clutched at his heart as he took a shaky step backwards._

_“I-I’m sorry…”_

“I ran away that day, and no one came after me…” Freed’s breathing hitched, feeling the same pressure his seven-year-old self-had felt that day. He had turned and bolted after that apology, fleeing from the house without a backwards glance, even as he prayed that someone would call out to him to stop, but no one had called out, and no one had followed him. There was too much bubbling up his chest, too many memories that he had fought to hold back for too long, and when Laxus tugged him into a hug he shattered, a wail rising at the back of his throat as he buried himself against his mate.

    Laxus, on the other hand, was struggling to contain his anger. He had always known that Freed had some issues with his magic, but he had never imagined that it could have come from this and his arms tightened around Freed, feeling his mate trembling under the force of the sobs rocking his body. He forced the anger back, determined not to do anything that would make Freed feel like he had back then. He refused to be like the monsters that had dared turn their back on a child, a child whose magic had only burst out to protect them. If they hadn’t been attacked, it was possible that Freed’s magic could have remained dormant forever, or developed more slowly which would have made it more controllable. Instead, it had burst out, and no one had done anything to protect him. He pulled Freed as close as possible, gently beginning to rune his fingers through long green hair in a way that he knew soothed his mate, turning dark eyes to the photo nestled in Freed’s lap, and he reached out with the intention of sending it to the floor.

“Don’t…” Freed’s voice was hoarse and raw with pain, but it was enough to stop Laxus, and he blinked as he realised the Rune mage had reached out to stop him.

“Freed?”

“I-I can’t destroy it…even now…” Freed whispered, reaching up to scrub at his eyes, angry at himself for shedding more tears over this, but unable to stop them falling. “I’ve tried, but it’s all I have…”

“How did you get it?”

“I went back. When you were gone…” Freed still disliked talking about Laxus’s exile, the separation had been rough on both of them, and the Dragon-slayer was only just beginning to realise that it had probably been harder on his mate than he could have ever realised. “I thought…” He trailed off and shook his head. He had thought that maybe, just maybe they might’ve forgiven him, that they would see his control and be able to see him as a son again. It had turned out to be a fruitless wish. “I went back, and it was all gone. The lands had been sold off, and the house was abandoned.”

 _They ran away?_ Laxus’s temper was rising again, lightning beginning to crackle around him. Just how much harm had they caused? And how had his mate, his beautiful, strong mate managed to endure this for so long?

“The only room left untouched was mine. They took nothing of mine, they kept nothing to remind them that I was their son…”

“Freed…”

“I took that photo,” Freed whispered, pointing at the image before hanging his head. “And I destroyed the house. Just once…I wanted to hurt them like they hurt me, even though I knew it was pointless, and that I was proving them right.” He had torn the place apart, slipping into his demonic form as he gave into his anger and hurt. And when he had come back to himself, it was to find that he felt no better. Instead, he had just been numb. The shattered pieces that he had gradually glued back together because of Laxus and Fairy Tail threatening to fall apart completely, and now as he pressed himself against Laxus once more, he realised that he had barely managed to tape them back together.

“Freed,” Laxus refused to let his mate feel guilty for that, reaching down and using his finger to gently lift the Rune mage’s head, his heart aching at the pain in the turquoise eyes. “You did not prove them right, they were never in the right. Never.”

“But…”

“I destroyed our house when I was first given this lacrima. Erza took down all her enemies when her magic emerged, and Natsu probably levelled a village when he became a Dragon-slayer,” Laxus pointed out softly. Shifting his finger to cover Freed’s lips to silence any more protests, determined to make sure that Freed knew that it wasn’t his fault and that it had never been his fault. “Everyone one of us is the same, that is a normal part of magic especially when it emerges in stressful situations. The ones in the wrong were your family because even if they were scared, they should have stood by you…” _They could’ve found a teacher, helped comfort you. That was all it would have taken, and you would have been able to control your magic…_

   Freed wanted to believe Laxus. He always had before, but these wounds ran too deep and had existed for too long to be healed by mere words, and he silently shook his head, even as he clung to his mate and Laxus sighed. He had known that it was a foolish hope to think that words were enough to brush aside hurt of this magnitude. Not that it stopped the ache that came from not being able to wash away his mate’s pain, and he hesitated for a moment before gathering Freed into his arms once more, gently kissing the top of his mate’s head.

“I know you’re not ready to believe that, not after holding on to what they did and said for so long,” Laxus murmured, resting his head against Freed’s, nudging him softly before continuing. “But…Freed?” He waited until he got a soft hum of acknowledgement. “I will keep telling you that. Every day if I have to, until one day you believe me because none of this was your fault.” Freed pulled away from him again, and Laxus blinked as he took in the watery smile on the Rune mage’s face, jumping slightly when trembling fingers came up to brush against his cheek.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Laxus chuckled softly at that, remembering all the times that he had asked himself and Freed that very question and his eyes were oddly bright as he leaned down to steal a kiss, nudging their noses together. “Laxus?”

“You were yourself. You were my teammate, my friend…my mate…”

_As you should be, and that is all you ever need to be Freed Justine._


End file.
